Feelings.

(BEFORE).

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“

1. Hello.

2. I miss you.

3. Can we talk?

4. I hope I’m not annoying you.

5. I want to see you.

6. Please tell me you’re doing fine.

 7. I’m worried about you.

8. Do not let other people bring you down.

9. I hope you’re truly happy.

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You’ll probably never see this but, I miss you. I really do. I miss you more than anyone I’ve ever lost. I miss you so much it hurts. I miss you so much my heart aches. My head hurts from thinking about you all the time. I just miss you so much.

I miss us. I miss how we used to be. I miss our eight hour long conversations on the phone and our little secret adventures we’d go on that only we knew about. I miss us together. I miss the days where we were to lazy to do anything but hold each other. I miss waking up at 3 am to talk to you because your mind wouldn’t let you sleep.

I miss your smile. Something about the way your lips would curve ignited something in me. Whenever you’d glance at me and smile, my heart would skip. I miss that. How you’d sneak glances at me whenever you could. Even though I never understood why, I loved it. I miss our energetic mornings and our lazy evenings or the days where you’d drag me to some new restaurant because, like you’d say “The food is to die for.” 

Overall, I miss you. Everything about you, from your smile to the mole on your thigh. I miss the shade of your eyes and your cheeks. I miss everything thing about you, but the one thing I miss the most is your heart and your mind. 

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“The reason people find it so hard to be happy is that they always see the past better than it was, the present worse than it is, and the future less resolved than it will be.”

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(NOW/Present)

I used to trust chance to bring me together with the ones that I loved. And for the most part it worked, but it required a whole lot of waiting and I got tired of waiting. So now I march right up to their doors and say : Hello, here is my love, even if you didn’t ask for it.

And I leave it in their hands, wondering what they will do with it.  And I send poems out  into the oceans of the Internet like a message in a bottle with their name on it  and I wonder if they will read it and if they do, I don’t apologise. I just say : well, what did you expect my love to look like? Because to be honest I’d rather be foolish than silent and I’d rather cringe at rejection than regret not projecting my affection and I’d rather you said no than nothing at all, and I’d rather you remember my name than say it once and never say it again. "I already did my best for you so i will not have any regrets anymore."

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“‘I’ve decided to give you up,’ she said.”

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“People often say “Time heals wounds”. But you can’t just sit around letting it do it slowly, you eventually need to move forward with time too. Help yourself become the best of who you can be.”

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You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through.

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This time, let go. Let go of the things that broke your heart. Take a deep breath and open you heart, find all the things that hurt you like they are knives, that made your heart bleeds too much. Remove them one at a time. And when you’re done, throw them away where your eyes can never reach them again. If you need to do it for too many times, be brave, and be courageous enough to heal your own heart. You must do it for yourself—not for anyone else. This time of the year, remove all the negativities that still surround you, and replace them with the happiest vibes that you could spread around you. 

This time, accept yourself even if this year had changed you into someone you thought you would never know. Welcome the approaching year with a strong heart and a smile on your face. And this time I hope, that we will all have a happy, fruitful and healthy new year.

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Breathe. You’re going to be okay. This pain you feel is going to pass. Maybe not this moment or today or tomorrow, but sometime soon. The hurt will fade. Don’t give up before things get better. You may be wounded, but you aren’t broken. You can and will heal.

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“The problem is everyone assumes that they’re the main character in everyone else’s lives, when the truth of the matter is, we’re just background characters. We’re just the ensemble. I’m not the hero in everyone’s story, the same way I’m not the love interest in everyone’s life. I regret the times I’ve been the villain too, but people are allowed to make me whoever they want in their own story. I don’t care anymore. In my story, I used to be the damsel in distress, but now I am the girl who falls in love with hurricanes and doesn’t look back. And eventually we’ll all just become stories, and fading memories, we’ll become pictures on family trees, and life’s too short to keep trying to be so important in somebody else’s story, that you stop writing your own.”

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Thanks for reading. will see you on my next post.